How do I confront the rude and especially sarcastic and exaggerated comments under my questions on this site by multiple users?

Question

Before I was banned, on 1 or 2 questions there were a few comments which I felt somehow were not nice to me and not following policies of be nice, in my opinion. For they were exaggerated so that I may stop posting stuff like that. I still know one of the comments was somehow wrong (I read somewhere if you think 2-3 times before writing/speaking, it quite helps) and was posted on first thought I guess, without paying much attention to question details. The user clearly tried to defend it from taking the matter from comments to question. Again, I understand that the user did so, so that I may stop posting such stuff which were not following policies.

Though it will seem those comments were okay to most people, considering I most of the time post incorrect questions, but that is one of the reasons that lead me to behave in a frustrated manner with some users. Actually that made me a bit upset. I even flagged the comments which created problems.

On one occasion one user tried to share his/her views that some eye problems can also lead to see the designs the way I'm seeing. This seems totally fair, but I feel it happened just because he or she didn't have explanation to my question. Again it felt rude to me as there were no proof that my question was merely a case of eye problems. This incident felt rude but wasn't rude actually.

I know the concerned users may try again to defend, which I don't have any problem with. For I was posting somewhat incorrect stuff.

The important thing is: I still feel if I'm 99% wrong, there was 1% contribution from the other users. Which they will always argue about. I'm not going to argue (after this question) because I'm already banned for doing that in rude manner. I'm just putting it here in front of everyone.

Why?

Some people might believe I should learn in a year or two. Well yes, I've learned but I can't be sure that I'll be free from my most common imperfections. I've been banned before and I've tried to fix those problems. But again I can't guarantee. But I can guarantee to try and improve. So I hope you won't mind me asking questions here again.

If I were so uderstanding, I wouldn't be so helpless to cry over this issue here on meta.

Given all that, how do I tackle the rude and especially sarcastic and exaggerated comments under my questions on this site by multiple users?

PS: Some months ago I was told 2-3 times after my previous ban that I'll be warned suficiently before a ban. I couldn't see a warning this time. Maybe I could have been alert by this fear of warning. Yes, mods warned by indirect way but I couldn't understand that those were real warnings, but I felt shocked! Shocked by ban without warning.

Answer 1

Let's start on a positive note. I have seen huge improvements over the time you have been with us. You stopped pinging people in chat willy-nilly, which shows you have taken our advice to heart. You started asking questions on the main site instead of in chat. You try to frame your questions as objectively as possible, which isn't always easy. Even your English has improved in my opinion, and you clearly show an effort to make yourself clear even though it's hard sometimes.

Know that us moderators are not just looking for the bad, we notice the good too. But it is our role to act on the bad, although it wouldn't hurt if we sprinkled compliments around more often too... A lesson for us too.

Whether or not the comments were 'okay' or 'bad' or 'offensive' is really not an answerable question. If you indicate comments make you uncomfortable or offend you, they need to stop. If they don't at that point, the user commenting is crossing a line and will have to face consequences. If, on the other hand, you do not indicate this, and keep arguing, then other users are within their right to keep arguing as well. As long as things stay civil.

The key takeaway here, I think, is this: it's a shared responsibility. All users in a discussion should notice when the discussion is turning sour, and they need to stop and step away.

As @curious already stated, you should not confront comments that you perceive as rude. Indicate you are hurt or offended, flag, walk away, let a mod handle it.

I know, from experience, that it's hard sometimes to walk away from a discussion online. One never sets out to offend, or be offended. But you should learn to catch early signs of getting emotional, and step away. I cannot tell you how many hundreds of comments I have written and then deleted. Sometimes it helps just to write it to get it out of your system, reread, then delete.

A litmus test for comments that hurt is this: Step away for a while. Come back and reread the comments, but pretend it's your best friend saying it, or your mom, or someone you trust and has no intention whatsoever to hurt you. If they don't seem that offensive anymore, it was you getting emotional. If they are still offensive: indicate so and flag. Step away. Do not confront the user in question.

I trust that you and other users will take this advice to heart. I trust you will continue to grow, both as a member of GDSE and as a designer.

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_{PS: You were not banned, you were suspended. That means it is temporary. Being banned means you can never return. This almost never happens (unless you're a spammer).}

Answer 2

I believe there was a whole guide written on the topic by a user in a different community but I cannot seem to find it right now, I will try to find it and add the link in my answer later.

The key here lies in your question:

How do I confront the rude and especially sarcastic and exaggerated comments under my questions on this site by multiple users?

If you do get rude and sarcastic comments, you should not confront the comments. This will only escalate the situation and make a mess. You must simply flag and ignore. If you cannot ignore the comments: leave the site and check back later when you have calmed down.

If the flag was declined, read the comment again to see if there is any value in it. Like you have mentioned yourself in your post, sometimes we perceive people as rude and they may have been well-intentioned. If no reason was included when the flag was declined, I think it's fine to flag again using "for moderator attention" and write a note that you would like an explanation to understand why your flag was dismissed.